November 25, 1999 - "Too much butter in the damn stuffing!"

Thanksgiving (or, as a friend of mine likes to call it, "Native-American killing day) has come and passed, and what can I say but *BURP* - excuse me!  As usual, I ate too much, and drank a little bit, but hey, it's a holiday!  At least I didn't watch any Football! :)  Nothing major happened today, talked to a few friends about tomorrow's "drinking extravaganza" (don't worry, with the meds I'm on, I won't be doing much), and it seems to be coming along nicely.  It looks to be a big group of people that usually can't manage to get together, but "The power of Perge compels you!" - see if you get that reference, movie fans!.  It's looking to be a good night tomorrow, and I will have my cam with me, so plenty of drunken pictures will be uploaded in the coming weeks...

I finally got my "AOL version 5.0" upgrade disk in the mail yesterday, and upgraded last night.  As much as it pains me to say this, it's pretty good.  Some nice improvements to email, and I haven't gotten disconnected once since I upgraded.  So take a bow, Mr. AOL - that is, until you piss me off again.

I had a few mood swings today (holidays always get me down), but with the help of some friends (you know who you are! hehe..), I managed to make to through pretty well.  I'm coming to the realization that maybe I'm not alone in this world, and that there are people I can lean on for support.  This realization is probably much too late, but I'd like to single out a few people in particular - Scott Quinn, Matt Lando, Liz McKeever (you're getting too much damn mention on this site, you know! :), Stephanie (Anna Lee), Heather, Melissa, and pretty much everybody in "The Forum" at MP.com - thanks guys, I hope I can be there for you when you need someone...and if I forgot anyone, you're not worth mentioning! :)....

November 27, 1999 - "The best laid plans..."

So much for trying to get something together.  Last night didn't go off quite as expected.  After setting up the fabled "Bar Trip" with three different groups of people (Why am I always the "point-man", be it get-togethers, concerts, etc...?), we managed to find each other at "Dodgers", a local bar.  Two of my best friends decided to bail on me, but I got a pretty good group together, including Ben Raia, Ben Kagan, Matt Lando, Chris Lind, and Geoff Wang.  Things went well for the first hour - a few beers, some good conversation, and general fun.  Then we deiced to walk down the block to grab a slice (for all you non-New Yorkers', that's a slice of pizza).  After eating and more high school memories, we run down to the ATM because Ben needs cash...and that's when it all starts to go wrong.      

It had been drizzling on and off all night, but the sky chose this particular moment to burst open.  Running from the ATM machine back to the bar, we find a line half a block long.  Even though we got stamped before leaving, we were told that we must wait on line.  Needless to say, after about two minutes in the pouring rain, the night was called, and we went our separate ways.  I'm not as bitter about it 24 hours later, but last night, I was fuming!!  It seems that every time I try to do something productive, or at least interesting, fate must find a way to intervene.  Why do I bother?  Nothing ever goes right, so why put the effort in?  Of course, I know that I always will (it seems to be my nature), but recently, I've been asking myself "Why?"  Why bother studying, when even my body fights me? (that's the knees talking).  Why bother making an attempt to talk to women, when I know the inevitable shootdown is waiting in the wings? (that's my self-doubt talking).  I just don't know why sometimes....but that's just today.  Tomorrow I'll know the answers to everything...

November 28, 1999 - "A short practice and free chocolate - can it get any better?"

Well, if it's Sunday, it must be - Stennar practice day!  It actually went pretty well.  Traffic wasn't bad, we had to cut out an hour early because Evan needed to be home early, and "Mrs. Stennar" (Mom) was in town for Thanksgiving - she checked out the practice, gave us the thumbs-up, and even brought us chocolates from the faraway state of California! (Thanks, "Mom"! :).  All in all, not a bad day - finished my extra-credit "Parole and Probation" paper entitled "An Overview of Supreme Court decisions on the Right to Counsel at Parole and Probation Hearings"...it's about as exciting as it sounds! *sarcasm mode - off*  Knees are at about a 7/10 p.p.i, but at this point, I can't expect any better - I just need to hold out a little longer. 
...a word to the wise - buy fresh tea, the taste is worth the extra expense!

December 2, 1999 - "Ugh, Ack, Grrr..."

Well, par for the course, I'm back to feeling shitty again.  The knees have flared up again.  I missed school the last two days, and at this point, I don't give a shit.  Go ahead, mark me absent, fail me - I don't care.  Do you know what it's like to wake up and dread getting out of bed, because you know that in 15 minutes you're knees will feel like ground glass has been poured into them...I didn't think so.  I'm so looking forward to the surgery, and at the same time dreading it.  Looking forward because (hopefully), it will mean an end to this pain.  Dreading it because it's a trade-off between long term pain and short term agony.  This one is going to hurt like a bitch, I just know it.  And I've got to push myself harder then ever to recover in time for the spring semester.  I get no break this winter.  Class ends on the 20th, and I go under the knife on the 21st.  Which leaves me a slim month to get back on my feet for the next round of classes.  The only thing good is that it will be my last at NCC.  God, I hate that place....

On the positive side (not much, but every little bit counts), this weeks episode of "Star Trek: Voyage" was excellent.  A good guest shot of some "Next-Gen" members, and a message from Starfleet Command.  You know life is sad when you gain hope from a television show...

PS - my new little coffeemaker has paid for itself already.  There's nothing like a hot cuppa joe after a good long shower....

December 4, 1999 - "get off your ass and get a DVD player, NOW!!!"

Well, still feeling shitty and in pain, I decided to make matters worse and pay my bills..after the phone bill, AOL, and my MasterCard, I realized that I could splurge and get myself a DVD or two and still get my family decent x-mas presents.  After some comparison shopping, I picked up the "Mallrats - Collector's Edition" and "Strange Days".  WOW!!  "'rats" is packed with about an hour of deleted footage, as well as enough info to choke...well...Kevin Smith himself! (Kev - I love 'ya, but you are a large man!:).  And to see "Strange Days" in perfect picture and sound quality almost made me forget my lack of female companionship!..hehe.  Seriously, if you're into the "movie experience", save a few bucks, and pick up a DVD player.  You won't regret it...

As for the knees, well, that's the ongoing saga.  I've decided to retire the "PPI" (Perge-pain-index), as recently it's become useless.  It's not a matter of "do my knees hurt" at this point, it's a matter of "When do they start hurting?" which, these days, has been about 20 minutes after I get out of bed.

December 7, 1999 - "I'm so fucking tired...(An Ode to Stephanie)"

Well, kiddies, it's 3:30 in the morning, and I'm still up.  Care to take a guess?  I'll give you a hint - they're joints between your hips and your ankles.  *BUZZ* - time's up!  Yup, it's the knees still.  Major props go out to Dr. Michael DeAngleis for the painkiller prescriptions, though- I don't know how I'd have made it this far without them.  But there is someone who's been an even bigger help...

Stephanie (aka Anna Lee), you've been the rock I've been leaning on for the fast few weeks.  There's nothing I can do to repay you for the strength you've given me, but I have to try.  From the bottom of my heart, thank you!!!  I seriously don't think I would have survived the last few if it hadn't been for your support, your humor, and your kindness.  You are an Angel of mercy sent to me from somewhere, and you'll never know how much I appreciate you, or the help you've given to me.  I'm honored to be able to call you a friend, and to be called one in return.

December 11, 1999 - "Studio Time!"

Well, it's put up or shut up time - We go into the studio tomorrow to record "live in the studio."  It's mainly for Stennar to be able to put together the live show, but also for us, the backing band, to show our friends that we haven't been wasting time for six months of practices.  I'm excited, and yet nervous,  It's been a while since I've recorded anything, and I don't want to let the guys down.  I'm pretty sure I've got the material down, but I can't let the band down.  We had to cancel last weekend's practice because of my knees, and I feel guilty as hell for that one.  I know that the situation was out of my hands, but as a "professional", it hurt like hell to let the boys down.  I hate disappointing people, so that bummed me out for a while.   I want to redeem myself in their eyes, even though I know I don't have to.  I went over the set tonight, and will do it again tomorrow morning.  I've got a good feeling about this one, people.  I'll post tomorrow to let you know how it went.

December 12, 1999 - "This must be some kind of record! (pardon the pun)"

...13 songs in 8 hours!!  I'm very tired, but extremely happy!  We recorded at "Nightflight Recording Studio's" from 1 until 9 today.  The songs came out much better then expected!  For those interested, we recorded live to 2-track DAT.  That means that the band (Adam, Evan, Stennar and myself) recorded playing live to one track, and the backing tracks (keyboards, samples, etc...) went to the other track.  This means no overdubbing, so you can't make a mistake (at least not a big one!:), or you have to start over.  I think we did very well.  No major mistake will be noticeable, and this is the first time I've recorded when the Bass is truly "in the mix"!!  Parns is going to make up CD's in the next week or two, and I'm psyched to hear it!  Everyone was in top form, and it's going to be great!  I tell you, nothing can lift my spirits like a good day of recording!  It was even worth the pain in the knees, for once.  Everyone is the NY area in January must come out and see us live! It's gonna be killer!!

December 15, 1999 - "Almost there..."

It's almost the end, for many things.  School is just about done.  Tomorrow I've got my "Parole and Probation" and "Educational Psychology" finals, and "Rules of Evidence" on Monday.  I'm not too worried. I've paid attention in class, taken good notes, written some excellent papers, and done fairly well on tests.  All in all, a pretty good semester has come and gone.  Today was my last Advanced Comp, class, and I learned the difference between regular and honors classes.  In a regular class, the last day is the dreaded final.  In a honors class, the last day is...  party!  I'm serious!  We brought in various munchies, and just hung out and "shot the shit, so to speak :).  I really enjoyed that class.  I never really considered myself a "Writer", but after the class, I more confidence in my abilities...score one for Dr. Zaluda!  In retrospect, that class also was an inspiration to do this.  Before, I would have shrugged it off, thinking "Why bother, no one will read it, and I won't have anything to say."  Now, in all honesty, I don't care if anyone reads it.  I'm doing this to better understand myself, and if other can gain some insight into my, or if this can help anyone in some way, I think I've bettered myself because of it.

School may be ending, but the other challenge looms ahead.  It's now 5 days until my surgery, and I'm surprisingly calm about it at this moment (although that changes at the drop of a cyber-hat).  I had my pre-op x-rays yesterday, and my blood tests today.  All I can do is the best I can, recovery-wise, and that's all anyone can ask of me.  This isn't to say that I won't push myself.  I have a $20 bet with my Mom that I will be on my feet the day after, and damn it, I will collect!! :)  I also am going to try to make it home by Christmas.  I can say if it will be possible, but I'll give it all that I can.  No promises, but if I can gain 'net access at the hospital, I'll do my best to share my thoughts, my insights, and my experiences with you all during my stay.  Until later, my friends....