FAQ -F*cked up Asinine Questions

Submitted by - "KLMryc" ('99)
"Why are you so self-deprecating?  Not that it's a bad quality, it's just seems to eat you up a little bit..." A good question.  I've always considered myself an underachiever, so I would guess it would have to do with a lack of self-esteem in certain areas. If I'm not sure of my abilities, I'd rather undervalue what I know and maybe surprise myself and others then overvalue my abilities and make an ass of myself.
"How tall are you?  I can't tell when you wear those nazi-boots?" First off, let's get one thing straight - I'm not a nazi, I just like quality boots!  Okay, I'm about 5'4" - 5'5", depending on the weather (I'm serious - spine-straightening in dry weather and all).  I like wearing boots because they give me some "lift".
"If you know what it is, what's your I.Q.?" Oh, am I going to get crap for this.  Okay, tested at age 6 - 156.

Submitted by - "StBruce78" ('99)
"Do you fish?" The last time I went fishing was probably when I was 12, so I'd have to say no.
"Where do you normally go?" Usually a toilet, but if nature calls... oh, I think he's referring to the previous "fishing" question - I used to fish upstate on some land my family used to own.  My grandfather bulldozed out a man-made lake in the fifties, and it was pretty well stocked.
"Did you ever catch anything" (I can't believe he's given me the chance to say this!!)... yes, I did - a bass.

Submitted by - "Anna Lee" ('99)
"Have you ever had an erotic fantasy about Jordan Rudess? ;)" (Dream Theater's keyboardist)  Ewww....ugh....no, but I do know "certain" people that have, and it will be the subject of blackmail in the near future...thanks for the question! ;)
"Don't you think that angora has a wonderfully tactile sensuality that's conspicuously lacking in all other fabric? (if you get the joke, you get bonus points :)" Yes, I get both the joke and the bonus points, but I won't ruin it for everybody else! (*Tim Burton*)  and no, I'm not crazy for angora (although on certain days I do have a fetish for women in latex. ;)
"Is the answer to anything worth dying for?  And if so, what?" wow, that's a good one.  I'd have to say yes.  The answer "yes" to the question "Do you love me?" is an answer worth dying for.

Submitted by - "Jeff Kuhn" ('00)
"...what bands are you in now?" Click here for the current status of my musical aspirations/career.  Click here for the previous bands/musical projects (I've spent way too much time calculating and typing my musical career on the aforementioned pages and hyperlinks will do the job just fine)
"Have you actually *seen* Ben Kirkup's homepage and his damn resume?" Yes, I have wandered into Ben's "domain" once or twice, and here are my thoughts on that:  I've gained a newfound respect for Ben on his openness and honesty about himself, and his life...plus, that resume is more then anything I will ever be able to do with my life.
"...I have been told that either the guitarist or bassist for "Rush" plays their guitar/bass, and at the same time, this person uses their feet to play a Keyboard which is on the floor in front of them.  Is there any truth to this magnificent feat" Very close, Jeff!  Both Geddy Lee (Vocals, Bass and Keyboards) and Alex Lifeson (guitars) use their feet to play electronic pedals (much like the pedals on a church organ) that are hooked up to a keyboard "module" (basically the workings of a keyboard without the keys).  While not quite "playing a keyboard," they can trigger both individual notes or samples via "MIDI", the computer standard that allows electronic musical equipment to communicate.  This allows them to "play" parts of songs without having to resort to backing tapes.  A good example of this can be seen during the chorus of the song "Spirit of the Radio" ("Invisible airwaves crackle with life...") on the "A Show of Hands" videotape.    

Submitted by - "BMC75" (Spring '01)
"Do you consider yourself the luckiest man of the face of the earth?" How could I not?  I'm at a school that I enjoy, studying subjects that are challenging, and I'm finally with the woman I love. :)
"Is the grass really blue in Kentucky?" I personally haven't seen any yet, but Stephanie has *sworn* that there is, so I'll let you know.
"Are you now, or have you ever been a member of the communist party?" Nope, but after my Intro to Politics class, I'm leaning on becoming a Democratic Socialist. ;)

Submitted by - "MDuffy 4874" (Spring '01)
"Did you ever like French?" I love to listen to it spoken, but I hated studying it.  I simply think my brain isn't "wired" to learn a foreign language.  I also believe that the American system of teaching a second language starting in middle school is far too late to be effective.  
"Have you watched Agassi play lately?  (He's been FAB!)" Nope - I've missed a lot of things not having cable television here. :(
"Do you miss me and the kids?" Yes, I do - I haven't found anyone in Kentucky that can do a decent Christopher Walken impression.

Submitted by - "BMC75" (again - Spring -'01)
"What is your favorite beer and why?" This is an answer that changes at least three times a year.  Right now it's Dixie Blackened Voodoo, a  dark lager that looks like a stout, but isn't as heavy as your typical stout.  It's got a nice balance of chocolate and coffee flavor, with a hint of sweetness at the end.  Some of my other favorites are Bass Ale, Sam Adams...  pretty much anything quality.  Give me two or three *really* good beers before a case of Coors any day of the week!
"What do you usually order when you go to McDonald's, and do you get fries with it?" Typically I'll go for the double cheeseburger or a nine-piece McNugget, with a fish sandwich as a change of pace every few months.  I'm not a big eater, so I usually just steal some of Stephanie's fries.  :)
"Do you believe in the Loch Ness Monster, the Lost City of Atlantis, the Abominable Snowman, Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, leprechauns, zombies, guardian angels, Ronald McDonald, Joe Camel, the Tazmanian Devil, California Governor Gray Davis, and/or the Bermuda Triangle?" No, no, no, yes, no, yes, yes (they're also know as uninformed voters ;) no, yes, no, yes, no, no.

Submitted by - "Michelle Rowe" (February '02)
“How much does a ton of salt weigh?”  One ton, but when you proportionally add the ice, lime juice, triple sec, and tequila to go with it, you’ve got quite the Margarita going on.
“When the hell are ya getting back to Cincinnati?”  We (Stephanie and I) are up at least one weekend a month, if only to spend time with our cat (who we miss terribly) and to catch up on good food (Skyline, LaRosa’s, Sebastian’s, etc).
“Do you feel the economy is on the up?”  Not at all – it’s only the “spend to be a true American” propaganda being spread right now that is keeping the country from sinking from a mild recession to a true depression.  While I have issues with many of George W.’s policies, this one isn’t easy to fix – an economy can function only when capital circulates (thus the “go and spend” policy in place), and yet with people earning less, the incentive to spend is lowered.  These are some of  the reasons I’m a political science major and not an economics major.

Submitted by - "Noelle" (February '02)
"Define shameless"  Doing or performing what you truly want to do, regardless of what traditional society or morality dictates is right or wrong.
"How many times have you had to peel off the pleather pants?"  Surprisingly, not as many time as you’d like to think.  They’re reserved for “special” occasions (live gigs, clubbing, parties), all of which I don’t do nearly enough.  Offhand. I can think of 3 times in the last six months – Halloween, the Mike Keneally and BFD show, and Adam’s New Years Party.  I’ll probably also pull them out for the two-night Dream Theater stand in Chicago next month.  Peel is also the exact terminology – pleather doesn’t breathe, and sweat bonds your skin to the material like glue.  I can’t imagine what it would be like to add an additional layer of material into the factor (like underwear - commando is the way to go. ;)  I have photos (not of the actual peeling), and they’ll be up within a month or two.
"Which animal scares you the most?"  This may not fit the traditional definition of “animal,” but I’m most definitely an arachnophobe.  For the life of me, I can’t define what it is about them (possible the multiple segmented legs), but I have the most irrational fear of spiders on the planet.  Quite literally, I will jump up and shriek like a little girl when placed within five feet of one… and Stephanie got me to enter the spider exhibit at the Cincinnati Zoo.  If that isn’t a sign of my love, I give up.

Never ask about my reaction to the movie.

Submitted by - "Masikus" (February '02)
"What qualities do you see in yourself as a musician and what are some things you'd like to improve upon?  Nice question, btw!  It calls for some introspection and critical thinking, both of which I’m always up for.

What I consider my positives as a musician is my ear for the “right” notes for the particular song I’m playing at the time, and my ability to pick up on melody and structure in fairly short order.  I think as a bassist it’s very important to play “to the song” instead of showing off chops and technique.  I’m also reliable when it comes to learning music for a session or rehearsal.  If I say I’ll have a song down by a certain date, you can count on that fact.  I also have a good track record of “first and second takes” in the studio, which I believe also shows my preparedness.

On the flip side, both my knowledge of music theory and technique need work.  Theory less so (I graduated high school with honors in music, so it’s a matter of brushing up), but my lack of traditional technique is something I’ve been wanting to correct for a while now.  I’m completely self-taught as a bassist, and I’m sure there are technical problems with my style that hinder my growth as a musician.  This is something I’m aware of, and attempting to correct as we speak.
"If you could travel back in time to any era in music, which would you go to and why?"  This is tough, as I need to separate Ian “the musician” from Ian “the music fan.”  As a musician, I’m pretty restricted as my choice of instrument (electric bass) limits me from its creation point in the early 1950’s onward.  From that point of view, I’d have to go with the expansion of the role of the electric bass in the mid 1970’s from a strictly "rhythm" instrument to one capable of lead melodies, specifically by Jaco Pastorius.  As a general fan of music, I would have loved to been a part of the “speakeasy jazz” scene during the prohibition era.  The “danger factor” of illegal alcohol and music is one that would have given me a thrill.
"Have you ever played "Limbo" and lost?"  I'm nowhere near flexible enough... ;)

Submitted by - "cyneajade" (February '02)
"Do you promise to love and cherish my friend Stephanie Cunningham for every second that remains in your life?"  Jen, is not moving my entire life 850 miles and proposing enough proof for you? ;)  If not, than yes - I promise.  She's the person I waited my life for, and I doubt I'll screw this one up.  I'll find other things to screw up instead.
"Are you ever going to put out another CD with which I can impress my musically-inclined friends by saying 'I know the bassist!'?"  I certainly hope so - music is as much a part of my "being" as anything I can imagine.  I need to let it flow, if for no other reason than to keep me sane. (Remind me to send you a copy of the "Stennar" recordings - that will tide you over until this summer. ;)
"Where are you and Stephanie planning to live?"  As she's graduating this semester, and I'll be here until December (damn the hassle of transferring credits!), we're attempting to find a place between wherever she'll be going to graduate school and Transy. It all depends on what programs accept her, which is what we're waiting to hear.

Submitted by "BMC75" (Again!  September '02)
"Do you believe President Kennedy was shot from the Texas School Book Depository by Lee Harvey Oswald, or do you have another theory?" I'm fairly undecided on the issue.  From what I've read about the physical aspects of the shooting, it was impossible for Oswald to have a) gotten off three rounds in under six seconds from an outdated and missighted weapon, b) struck Kennedy in a moving car from the position he was in relative to the moving car (I believe the autopsy proves this).  However, I have a pretty strong distain of the conspiracy theory that factions of the American government had Kennedy killed.  For such an unprecedented plan to have succeeded a great many people would have had to been informed, and I simply don't believe that a secret of such magnitude could be kept for so long.  It's human nature to brag about ones accomplishments.
What's your favorite kind of cheese? 80's rock (Def Leppard, Winger and the like).  A close second would be mozzarella accompanied with sun-dried tomato, fresh basil and olive oil - an appetizer at our favorite local restaurant.
"If you had to be stranded on a desert island for ten years, which of the following people would you choose to be with you (pick only one):  fitness guru Richard Simmons, actor Alan Thicke (the dad from Growing Pains), billionaire-politician H. Ross Perot or "Feed the Children" spokesperson Sally Struthers?" Simmons: the voice, the hair, the short-shorts... no thank you.  Thicke: He's Canadian.  Says the prophet Leary, “I don’t trust those people.  They’re too nice and they’re too quiet and they live right above America.”  Perot:  The pie charts along would drive me homicidal.  I suppose that leaves me with Sally Struthers - her bulk could sustain me for at least five of the ten years, and I'd construct a crude tent with her hide when finished.

Submitted by "Perplexio" (May '04)

"Do you think pre-haircut Jordan Rudess (6DOIT tour and before) bore any resemblance to any of the traditional Christian images of Jesus Christ?"  No.  Pre-tour publicity photos had much more of a "Prince Valiant/Valium" look to him, and by the time the tour started it had grown out into non-descript "shortish long hair" look.

Besides, Jesus used physical force to kick the money-changers out of the Temple.  With attitude like that, he's much more suited for Derek's "Monster Lead" tone than Jordan's somewhat less aggressive patches.  Although now with his head shaved, JR is much closer to Buddha in both tonality, spirituality and hairstyle.

"What's the air speed velocity of an unladen swallow?"  African or European?  Wait, you said "swallow."  Hehe, cool.

"Dream Theater's tourbus is going from Chicago to Cleveland traveling at 65 mph, Kevin Moore's "Chroma Key" tourbus is traveling from Cleveland to Chicago at 60 mph.  If Charlie Domenici were a lounge singer in Fort Wayne, IN which of the two tour buses would most likely stop to hear him sing?"  Hear him sing?  Neither of them.  To purchase a used tourbus?... I suppose that would depend on whether he's aware of the crossing and can arrange an "accident" that would necessitate a sale.

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